“So Yesterday I was thinking about the play Othello. And I don’t like how shakespeare titled it. “The Moor of venice” no no no no I said Shake my man this makes you look like a racist . So I took upon myself to change the tittle for him. “Othello the best thing to ever happen to venice since white hankies. Hi I’m Anthony Golden but you ha you already knew that.”—One of my Best friends-Anthony Golden
I really do feel so left out lately. I know i have no reason to, but i just do. I feel like people are only around me because i go there. like i miss people asking me to go places, not me always having to be the person to make the effort. I miss feeling like i had this speical group. Lately i just feel like everyone has a group and im an outsider. I want my life back despeartly but it probley will never happen because life changes. Idk why i feel this way. nobody has done anything to me. nobody is mean. But it’s not the same and i want it back. I wish for anything to prove to everyone i’ve changed. I’m changing for everyone and myself.
Last night i went to sleep sooo angry. Like angrier than i have ever gone to bed before, I hated the world, and people, but mostly myself.
I just feel like ive been annoying everyone, like as soon as i get any confidence i look at someone and think they are giving me an annoyed look and boom i hate myself again.
But im getting better, i am. Im trying to get back to all the time happy amanda, instead of this strange girl im becoming where 50 percent of the time im SOOO HAPPY and the other 50 percent when im alone i just mope. its like i cant stand to be alone around people, i have so much social anixety and thats not even the problem becuase well thats not even what social anixety means.
So like if you see me being strange, or moping, or just hesitating to say something thats why. becuase i feel like ive pushed away a lot of people lately, and even though they say i dont and im not annoying. I don’t believe them
Woke up to a valentines day text from one of my favorite people ever. Just seeing that person’s name on my cellphone brightens my day. Thinking about this time last year and who i was and what i wanted, funny thing is its pretty much the same.